By Maimuna Aliyu Waziri
The society has overtime blended torture into the norms of culture especially on women. In culture, one platform that keeps threatening women and their psychological balance is marriage. With marriage being a moral compass to weigh ones ability to fit into group of respected individuals in the society, women have become target to inhumane acts within and outside the contract. Marriages end with women taking blame.
Divorce is always considered shameful in Northern Nigeria. No matter what prompted the dissolution of marriage, no matter whose fault it is, a woman is always blamed for it. A lot of women have tolerated so many inhuman torture just to continue living their conjugal life and avoid social criticism, and if somehow the marriage fails, the society sees it as the wife’s fault, no one cares about the sort of struggle and pain they embrace which eventually leads to depression and sometimes suicide.
There are dozens causes of divorce where men are found responsible. A man can easily walk out of marriage or marry another woman whenever he likes, because the society believes that ” men are always right, they can make their own decisions and live on their own terms” but a woman who wants to leave her marriage is looked down upon, she is questioned! It’s better for her to die than be called a divorcee. After divorce women fall into a terrible situation.
Moreover, when a divorced woman wants to remarry, people tend to avoid her, they see her as a failed character, who doesn’t have a womanly virtue, they see her as someone who couldn’t walk on a scale created by the society to prove herself a good house wife. Due to society’s torture women aren’t able to take a stand.
Sadly, most people in Arewa criticize divorced women and interfere in their lives without walking in their shoes ; they don’t understand the agony which can only be felt by the divorced women who went through such experience.
To conclude, the society must change their attitude towards divorced women and stay by their side during such tough time. This is because being divorced doesn’t mean the end of a woman’s life, she can start afresh, she can live her life, she has the right to be happy, so please do not deprive her.
Maimuna writes from Gombe state. She’s a member of Gombe Jewel Writers Association and winner of Yarang llamisi 2020 Essay Writing Competition. You can connect with her on Instagram @Najat waziri.